Special Feature

White House Signs on to Single Payer Health Care

by Staff on April 1, 2017

Single-Payer healthcare for all

The White House announced today that it will work with Bernie Sanders and other progressive Democrats to achieve a Medicare-for-all-style single-payer health care system throughout the U.S.

“We have analyzed it every which way,” a spokesman announced. “The President said many times during the campaign that he wanted everyone to have better insurance, at less cost. This is simply the only way to get the job done.”

Reporters were quick to ask whether House Speaker Paul Ryan would put up any roadblocks.

“Roadblocks? This guy is nothing but a giant roadblock himself,” the spokesman answered. “Look at his natal chart. Squares, oppositions, and nothing at all, zero, nada, zip, in the Seventh or Eighth houses. He doesn’t have a clue how to really work with people. So we’re simply going to offer him a choice. Cooperation, or political suicide. Death by tweetstorm. Zero funding. With Sun in the Second House, there’s no way that guy is ever going to take a risk with his meal ticket. In the end, he’ll go along. We have no worries about Ryan.”

The White House is hopeful that the changes can be in place by late 2018.

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