by Sissy Blue
One Day in the Life of an Amateur Astrologer
Sherry always tracked her daily transits, calculated by computer to her personal Astrology chart. She studied them each morning before she left home. However, sometimes, even knowledge wasnt enough.
7:00 a.m.Sherry stumbled as she approached her car, barely managing to keep herself upright. "Oh, no!" she exclaimed. "I hope thats not my Mars transit manifesting." She reminded herself that when Mars was prominent, she might tend to move too fast, jump into things, collide with walls, or play bumper-cars on the freeway.
7:20 a.m.Lost in the throbbing beat of a song on the radio, Sherry pushed the accelerator to the floor, whizzing around the 18-wheeler, grinning to herself as she dashed back into the right lane just in time to catch the exit, then stomped on the brakes to prevent hitting the slow-moving car ahead of her on the off-ramp.
7:35 a.m.Sherry swung into the parking lot, bounced over a speed bump and managed to beat another car to the best parking space.
8:27 a.m.Sherrys hands shook as she rushed to finish the monthly reports, typing too fast, constantly hitting the "backspace" to delete her errors, charging forward again, only to "backspace" again.
9:17 a.m.Andy strolled by, whistling a gentle tune softly to himself. As he passed Sherrys desk, he noticed her frantic pace, and watched her grimace as she erased part of a typed line. "I think you ought to get yourself together before you work on that."
Suddenly, Sherry raised her hands from the keyboard and exclaimed, "Mars!"
Sherry turned toward him. "Never mind. You wouldnt understand."
Andy sauntered away and Sherry figured he must have a Neptune transit, because he was walking around in a fogbank, unconcerned with material reality. He seemed to be composing a song in his head. A little jealous of his peace of mind, she tried to remember how long it would be before she had a Neptune transit. But the thoughts raging through her mind were jumbled and disconnected, and in less than a minute, she gave up, returning to her monthly report, almost immediately hitting the backspace key.
10:34 a.m.Sherry raced down the hallway toward the copy machine, finished reports in hand, as Barbara came out of her office unexpectedly and the two crashed, spilling Sherrys papers and Barbaras coffee onto the carpet.
"Im sorry, Barbara," Sherry said hastily.
"It doesnt matter," Barbara said slowly. "Nothing is going right for me these days."
Aha! Sherry thought. Must be a Saturn transit!
Barbara sighed heavily as she lowered herself to one knee and began picking up the coffee soiled papers. "Only one thing in the whole world is right. After saving for years, my husband and I are ready to buy our first house."
"Wow!" Sherry said excitedly, dropping to the floor to help Barbara. Saturn rewards hard work and determination.
12:07 p.m.In the lunchroom, Sherry shook the bottle of ketchup drastically, then hit the bottom with her hand, frustrated that the red stuff refused to exit.
The news passed around the room that a worker down in the shipping department hit the jackpot on a trip to Las Vegas, and wouldnt be coming back to work. Ever.
"Lucky stiff," Sherry said to herself. Must have had a Jupiter transit, but hell probably spend it all in six months, and have to come back to work. She pounded on the ketchup bottle with renewed vigor and suddenly the red liquid spurted out fiercely across her plate and on to the table. "Mars!" she exclaimed loudly.
Sherry looked up to see Barry from Personnel standing by her table. "Never mind. You wouldnt understand."
2:31 p.m.Sherry soared past Andys desk, who was leaning back in his chair listening to Charley from downstairs. Charley was chattering away about his hunting trip last month, highlighting every element down to the smallest detail. Charleys got a Mercury transit today, Sherry thought.
3:55 p.m.The sharp blast of the fire alarm was shocking, and employees scrambled for the exits.
Sherrys heart pounded as she ran down the stairs and catapulted to the bottom landing, bounding off the receptionist, Betty. "What happened?"
Betty explained that a technician on the top floor was demonstrating his latest brilliant idea, and somehow, he set off the fire alarm.
Out of breath, Sherry could only whisper, "Hes got a Uranus transit."
5:05 p.m.Sherry hurried toward the front door of the building, juggling her way around slower moving co-workers. A crowd gathered at the exit. She sought a way around the wall of people in front of her, but failed to get through.
Frustrated, she asked no one in particular, "Whats wrong?"
A voice from the crowd answered, "The front doors broke. It hasnt worked right for a long time."
Another voice stated, "Just be patient. When the workers finish, it will be better than ever before."
Whos got a Pluto transit? Sherry wondered.
6:30 p.m.After a harrowing trip down the freeway, then catching every red light in her neighborhood, Sherry burst into her living room and collapsed on the couch, exhausted.
Her husband, Ed, who had never studied Astrology, looked at her closely. "Did you have a hard day?"
Sherry explained in her own terminology, "Well, you see, Neptunes in Andys head, and Saturns got Barbara by the nose, and then Jupiter took this other guy to Vegas, and Charleys mouth is full of Mercury, but the surprise was Uranus popping in on some technician upstairs, but then I ran head on into Pluto! That took forever to get around!"
Ed frowned. "Huh?"
Sherry looked her husband full in the face and explained, "But the kicker was Mars in my fingers! I couldnt type!"
Confused, Ed asked, "Who?"
Sherry sighed, "Never mind. You wouldnt understand."
Sissy Blue, a former Astrological Counselor, now lives and writes in Arizona. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.